Today I drove from Chicagoland to home in Iowa. It’s more than 200 miles of driving, giving me plenty of time to ponder. And the need to stop a couple of times. Here are a few of the things I thought about:
• It’s good to have a full gas tank and an empty bladder.
• Universal Technical Institute’s website is uti.edu. They should have thought about that before naming the school. It just sounds uncomfortable.
• Gas station bathrooms, in general, are much better than they used to be. Entering through the store instead of a side door is one improvement. The fact that women often work there and expect regular bathroom cleaning is a help, too.
• Porta-potties, too, are nowhere near as gross as they used to be. But they’re still gross.
• One of the creepiest bathrooms I’ve been in was in a donut shop in Ponca City, OK. I had to cross a dark room with a conduit pipe bracketed to the floor, find the doorway to the bathroom, reach into the increasing blackness to fumble for the light switch. And once the light was on, I kinda wished it wasn’t.
• I don’t understand talking on the phone while in the bathroom. I really don’t understand talking on the phone while in a public bathroom. My level of bafflement hit “10” on Thursday when I realized we were all on speakerphone. Call me shy…
• How does a woman get pee on the seat? If she is sitting, her thighs are covering the seat, and in general the stream of pee would go down, not somehow spray between her legs and the seat. So is she standing to pee? Soooooo awkward…
• Why do public toilets have seats that aren’t bolted down snugly? They shift unexpectedly at inconvenient times. And how about that hotel bathroom from a couple of weeks ago? It wasn’t bolted down at all. The woman at the front desk said it was so the cleaning staff can clean more easily. huh…
• Overheard in a Yellowstone public bathroom: an older woman muttering to herself, “I’m glad you’re dead. You always were a bitch.”
• Is there any particular reason some people don’t flush in public bathrooms?
• And the reason for not washing is…?
• Who thinks it’s a good idea to put paper towel holders above shoulder height? Tall men? When I reach for the towel, water runs up my arms.
It’s good to be home.